my extraction

One stormy day,there was once a boy called Martin. Martin loved eating biscuits and drinking hot coffee, also Martin loved playing football. One day,he felt he was losing all his friends,furthermore,he asked his friends if he could join the Video Chaps but they said ”NO!”

9 thoughts on “my extraction

  1. Good adverbial phrase such as one stormy day
    to improve on in the future you could change said to how they said it for example, but they shouted “No!” or they angrily screamed

  2. Good use of subordinate conjunction such as Furthermore!
    Try and improve on adding more adjectives such as brown swirly galaxy hot coffee.
    Well done !

    • A subordinate conjunction is words like: even though, because, so that etc. Can anyone remember what we call words like: furthermore, also, in addition etc?

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